Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Duel

History has always been my favorite subject. In school or otherwise. It isn't just about dates and facts. It's about people and personalities.

The only way we can really appreciate history is to put ourselves in other people's shoes. Take my favorite historical event. The Hamilton / Burr Duel. Here's how I picture Burr's first day after shooting Hamilton...

AB enters nondescript office in West L.A.

Office Manager: Here's the new parking assignment list.
AB: I don't have a spot in the main lot?! I've worked here for three years.
OM: Lou drew up the list. You can talk to him if you're unhappy.
AB (Sotto): Whatever.

AB thinks about the fact that he may have just killed a man as a big group of colleagues his age goes to lunch without inviting him. He pretends like he's doing something important on his computer as they pass.

AB notices Hamilton's blood on his hand. It freaks him out. Then he decides he wants a BlackBerry or an iPhone, because it seems everyone has a smartphone these days and his Razr is a piece of shit. But he can't justify paying for one because he's poor so he calls his 60-something upper middle class parents who live in Santa Monica.

AB: Hey mom, it's me. I've been doing some research, and I think it would be cheaper for me to get an iPhone if we all joined like a wireless family plan. Won't cost you and dad much extra at all. And I'll cover it if it does.

Mom (a little distant): We can look into that, Matt.


The ACTUAL God said...

pretty sure burr shot hamilton, right? doesn't matter, greatest history-themed post of all time. power of the pesto,

Dan said...

it IS cheaper, i swear. or so i told my parents