When I was little, I went to a small, progressive private elementary school run by a socially awkward recovering Mormon and his passive aggressive wife.
Here's the kind of conversation I imagined them having once they got home...
Ron: Matt was amazing with the long division today. And his new RollerBlades looked awesome. He's a little stubborn, but overall, I think he could be a future president.
Linda: He's responding really well to our humanistic schooling philosophy. I wonder if he and Nicole Haynes will ever French? I bet that if we plan a big field trip to a tide pool, they'll make out on the bus. Nine seems to be about the age that most special, important boys have life-altering sexual experiences.
Today, I realize their interactions probably went more like this...
Ron: Are you only gonna have one sip of your wine?
Linda (yawning): I'm getting sleepy.
Ron: Come on, it's my fucking birthday. If I can't get any tonight, might as well give up.
Linda (sotto): Maybe you should.
Ron: Fuck you, Linda.