11YearOldSelf: Chillin'. Just waited in line all night for the new patent leather Jordans.
Me: Cool. Cool. Little superficial if I might say. Sort of remembered myself as more of a thinking man(boy) when I was you. But whatever. You're young.
11YearOldSelf: Oh sorry, Mr. 24 Year Old Me. I know you're busy with your intellectual pursuits on that softcore cable porn show you work on. Between that and all the pussy you've been THINKING about NOT getting lately, you're an everyday philosopher.
Me: What the fuck, dude? Your sex life consists of masturbating in a bathroom your parents own. And if I remember correctly, you're still firing blanks, bitch. Show a little respect.
11YearOldSelf: Jeez. Talk about a low blow. Relax, man.
Me: I'm relaxed.
11YearOldSelf: Okay. So, dude I have a question. It's kind of weird. Promise you won't tell anyone.
11YearOldSelf: You know those little dots on our 11 year old balls? Is that normal?
Me: Dude, that's hair. Jesus, you're a fucking infant. I gotta get back to work. Anything else going on?
11YearOldSelf: 13 Year Old Us traded for some pretty sweet pics on Prodigy last night. I can hook you up.
Me: Dude, it's 2008. Ever heard of RedTube? Oh, the young...
11YearOldSelf: You're loss. I gotta go be uncomfortable and angsty. Later, us.
Me: Oh hey, before you go, not to be weird or anything, but I remember us getting a pretty decent allowance. You think--
11YearOldSelf: Dude, really?
Me: Like fifty bucks, man. My cell phone bill was a bitch this month.
11YearOldSelf: I'm enabling us. You realize that, right?
Me: It's the last time, I swear. I'll pay us back.
11YearOldSelf: That's what 70 Year Old Us said last week.
Me: That douche. Fucking blew all our retirement money at the space track.
11YearOldSelf: I gotta leave you hanging this time. Donkey Kong Country's about to hit SNES.
Me: Dude, we played that game for like a week and got bored!
11YearOldSelf: Yeah, but I don't know that yet. I needs my cash, yo. Sorry.
Me: Well, enjoy middle school. Trust me, you got a lot to look forward to there.