Sunday, April 13, 2008

Nathaniel, The Hipster Slave-Owner

                               Chapter XI
Wherein our hero holds congress with a neighboring proprietor, renders judgments upon the state of his plantation, and imparts a valuable moral lesson.

Mississippi.  1850.

Nathaniel waves over Josiah, who’s riding his horse near their property line.

Josiah:  That is one weathered whip you’re brandishing, my friend. 

Nathaniel:  Yeah.  It’s vintage.

Josiah:  As long as it gets the job done.

Nathaniel: I guess.  You know it’s funny, I used to be so against whipping my slaves.  I was all like, everyone else just whips the shit out of their slaves, how is it funny and original if I do too?  But now it’s like so trendy to whip your slave that it’s almost more ironic for me to partake -- just to reiterate the absurdity of how ubiquitous it’s become.

Josiah:  Okay…well, Mary-Anna wanted me to remind you about our picnic.  Over yonder near the waterfall.  In a fortnight.

Nathaniel:  Yeah.  We’re in.  I think you should tell people to bring their own reusable silverware and flatware though.  Not to be a green nazi, but you know, little shit like that makes a difference.

Josiah:  We were fixing to use wheatware. 

Nathaniel:  Even better.  I gotta bounce though.  Phone-banking for Obama.

2 comments:

Dan said...

amazing- more hipsters in history content please

Nostradamus said...

Masterful.