Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Depressed Goldfish Fails to Bed a Cokehead Mom



Cokehead Mom:  You're cute.

GF:  Yeah.  I'm also a fucking goldfish.  Whom you are unlawfully imprisoning in this little glass bowl.

Cokehead Mom:  Jeez.  I'm just saying -- my husband's at work.  Jake's at school.  Thought we could hit the slopes and...you know...

GF:  Jake?  Is that what you call that lispy little war criminal?   The dude who forgets to feed me half the time?!  Who confines me to an aquatic jail of my own monotonous filth?!

Cokehead Mom:  You're really bumming me out. I was feeling all you know, frisky and stuff...

GF:  What part of "I'm a mentally ill prisoner wallowing in my own inexorable misery" do you not understand!?

Cokehead Mom:  You're being really weird.  I have to go to yoga.

GF:  I have to do absolutely nothing forever without end.

Cokehead Mom:  Just so you know -- I would have totally sucked your dick.

GF:  Goldfish don't have dicks.

Cokehead Mom:  Really?  That's awful.

GF:  Think you could pile on a little more maybe?