I just grabbed his thinking it was mine.
His latest text is from a girl saying "I just did a line of coke and am fingering myself."
Mine is from a rotund ginger-haired male acquaintance of a male friend saying "U wanna hit up Never Ending Pasta Bowl this week?"
At least I make more money than my roommate.
So much more that I lied and pretended he could actually afford a Tour and the accompanying monthly data plan just to give this little anecdote some kind of structuring device.
He has some shitty flip phone which I check whenever I'm bored.