Saturday, October 24, 2009

Ideal Day in the Life of a Dehydrated Writer

Network Exec: We're primarily interested in developing with really dehydrated artists right now. You know, the kind of guy who has such serious issues with maintaining the minimum amount of fluid his body needs to operate that his main reason for wanting to have a girlfriend after so many years is to just be able to sleep in the vicinity of a responsible animal who unlike him actually has the self-respect to always keep water near the bed.

Landlord: I want to propose shifting our agreement from month-to-month to you pay only during those times when your thirst is completely quenched. Also, I'm gay. Starting to come out to selected peeps.

Dad's Cancer Doctor: Turns out there's this new experimental procedure by which we essentially extract the mitochondria from the really dry skin cells of a writer and then implant them in the cancer cells themselves. Elizabeth Edwards might not be alive today if it weren't for this really shitty poet in Boston who somehow doesn't realize iced tea is a diuretic.

Asian Handjob Masseuse: Ohhhhhh, you so big! Thas the biggerst lack of watah in one's system I evah see.

1 comment:

Beneficent Allah said...

Dehydration is unhealthy! At least drink some champagne or something: