So right now I'm staying as a guest at an ancient mountaintop temple set above a bamboo forest in Koyasan. It's all very Christian Bale cutting his teeth in the first act of Batman Begins.
I'm currently sitting across from an elderly Buddhist monk. He's telling me about the ancient traditions that go into preparing the five course vegetarian meal he's offering me.
I say: What a rich story. Domo arigato. I am so grateful for this meal and for my stay at this beautiful temple. There's such peace here. Arigato. I'm honored.
I think: I want to fuck someone wearing a Japanese school girl uniform. I really want to fuck a Japanese school girl. A giggling group of them. But no... The thought of spending time in a Japanese jail is way too horrifying. The people here are so polite and seeing -- in the faces of my jailers -- that cloying facade disappear into something truly menacing would scare the shit out of me, tap into some fucked up shit from childhood. And regardless, making a white girl wear the uniform and pretend to be a Japanese school girl would be so much more interesting. A black girl would overdo it. She'd do something grotesque like stretch out her eyes using her index fingers and talk in some horribly offensive accent while making painfully obvious references to Japanese food items. No, what I need to pull this off is a tasteful, highly acute white girl. A Jew likely. A Jew to speak pretty solid English but with a few glaring quirks and then when I compliment her she can say that yeah, she's been studying English since elementary school, most people in her generation do and I can smile and say that's true good point. And if she really did her homework she'd have checked the showtimes in Osaka online and then name some random popular Japanese movie playing now and say she's seeing it in an hour with some friends so we better make this quick plus she has a biology quiz tomorrow morning.
At which point the elderly, orange-robed monk clasps my hands, grins, and tells me that no, the honor is all his.