Sunday, November 1, 2009

Female Friends

Ideal Female Friend: Let's go through my Facebook friends tonight. Pick out all the girls you find attractive. We'll eliminate the ones who don't have occasional nymphomaniacal streaks. With the remainder, I'm going to educate you on all of their idiosyncrasies and insecurities. Then we'll brainstorm the best ways for you to exploit them. I'm passing Whole Foods right now. Want me to grab you some sushi on the way over? Oh and I can give you a handjob while we're Facebooking. Or not. Totally up to you.

Actual Female Friend (to another female friend behind your back): That girl he's with over at the bar is a fucking cunt. Ughhh. He always sends me such mixed signals.

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