GWSITP: What's good, grandma who died during the Nagano Olympics. You can come back and be alive again now. Staying dead? Fuck you too, grandma!
GWSITP: Hey ex girlfriend from back home. Haven't talked to you in a while. Let's see, I hated NYU. Just bombed the LSAT for the third time. I resent my friends with money while I simultaneously angle to ride their coattails. Wanna give me head in your car and stare all in-love-like into my sad eyes til I bust all over your leatherette upholstery and we giggle? You feel sorry for me and hope I get the help I need? Fuck you, Heather! I never loved you!
GWSITP: Hey, grotesquely deformed Mexican guy who used to sling peanuts at Dodger Stadium and whom I used to feel guilty about abhorring while I ate Carnation ice cream with a cheap wooden spoon and watched a group of professionally-fulfilled men who were the same age I am now compete in a sport that never really moved me, will you throw a bag of peanuts at me with precision while I feel guilty and bored? Wait, what? Yes?! You will?! Fuck yeah! Thank you!!!