Sunday, November 29, 2009

"Long Lost" Christopher Columbus Email Exposed as Fake

Christopher Columbus to Dave show details 12:26 AM

Saw the FB pic of you and that fucking monster. My replacement? Does the fact that I feel utterly worthless without you make you want to reject me even more? I'd give anything for you to just treat me like shit one last time. It's the no contact that's eating away at me, you manipulative cipher. I know I shouldn't be writing this. Should be at the Jay-Z concert with the girls right now meeting better looking guys than you. But NO! I'm a parody of a jilted idiot ex. Such a cliche. We had nothing unique. Were never even really in love. Blah blah. I am so bored. I miss fucking you. I miss hating you, you fucking boring piece of shit. I would have married your short, sensitive, freckled ass and hated every minute of it but you had to leave me for an old Asian slut with thin nasty hair. Fuck you!!!! I miss you!!!! I'm so lost, Dave. Help. Please.


The Pinta suffered a minor setback today when one of our men was momentarily thrown overboard while attempting to rig hammocks aboard the deck in the fashion of the Indians with whom we've become acquainted. Oh, how I've tired of eating and drinking nothing but hardtack and ale.