Thursday, November 12, 2009

sex with a (digital) native

INT. UCLA FRESHMAN DORM - DUSK

A beautiful, sweet, confident but grounded digital native unclasps her bra. Next to her, a 26 year old television writer strips down to his boxers. She kisses him.

Digital Native: Mmm.

26 Year Old Television Writer: Yeah. You too. So here's a question. When you try to recall your earliest experiences with "the internet," do you think of this basically totally intact entity where you had access to a significant amount of the world's collected information or do you recall logging in and maybe being able to only check stock quotes, the weather, some naked GIFs of Daisy Fuentes and a Prodigy News article about the tragic murder of "Football great O.J. Simpson's ex-wife" who at the time I (err, you) assumed was black?

Digital Native: Umm, what? The first option. It's always been the same. Like we got wireless when I was 9. I guess that was a change.

26 Year Old Television Writer: Oh, God, I'm so hard right now.

Digital Native (smiling): Mmm.. yeah you are.

She kisses him and then starts sliding down lower and lower toward...

26 Year Old Television Writer: Wait. Stop.

Digital Native: Are you kidding?

26 Year Old Television Writer: What was the first cell phone you had?

Digital Native: Umm. A Blackberry.

26 Year Old Television Writer: Game system?

Digital Native: I don't know. My brother had a Dreamcast. Why are you asking me all this stuff?

26 Year Old Television Writer: Favorite childhood bookstore? Was it a tiny B. Dalton in a mall sandwiched between a theater where you saw Ghostbusters II and a toy store where you got sports figurines of guys like Mark Eaton and Henry Ellard?

Digital Native: It was Amazon.

26 Year Old Television Writer: Oh God.

Digital Native: Is that bad? Can we please stop talking and just...? I'm all wet.

26 Year Old Television Writer: I just came.

Digital Native: You what?

26 Year Old Television Writer: Sorry.

Digital Native: It's okay. I don't judge. But can you like, help get me off now?

26 Year Old Television Writer: Funny you should ask...

The writer quickly gets down to some crazy business.

Digital Native: Oooooh. That feels good!

He suddenly stops. The digital native looks at him all perplexed.

26 Year Old Television Writer: You have no idea what VCR Plus+ is, do you?

Digital Native: What the fuck is your problem?!?!

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