Ron Artest: You're a charming batshit homeless guy I give money to as I'm about to get on the 10.
Pau Gasol: You're a gay high school English teacher who went to Wesleyan.
Lamar Odom: You're a depressed but working B-List screenwriter who finds crying incredibly cathartic of late.
Luke Walton: You're a semi-smart, entitled, sexy 16 year old JAP who's terrifically intimidated / subconsciously fascinated by black male sexuality.
Derek Fisher: You're an incredibly polite, handsome successful father of four who knows you'd be able to last longer / get harder if you could put an unloaded gun in your Asian wife's mouth during sex but will never, in all your remaining days, enact said fantasy.