Sunday, January 31, 2010

Five Moments in the Life of an 11 Year Old

1. Zone out at school on a tedious sciencey Benjamin Franklin-branded computer game you're not even that good at so as to numb any feelings of existential ennui.

2. Believe deeply that you are one top tier pair of Rollerblades away from forever banishing that feeling of ennui. Also, if mom agrees to elaborate plan to either a) install an ice rink and house a penguin in sister's old room or b) add a Pepsi machine to your own room... you will likely be a content person for the rest of your life.

3. Silently judge any children whose moms packed them worse lunches. Or better lunches.

4. Have sweet, chubby best friend call hot, anti-intellectual, well-developing half-black classmate. Listen in on other phone. Hear it confirmed that she thinks you're sort of cute. Take her to Johnny Rockets with best friend as third wheel. Order a grilled cheese because she does. Throw olives at a parked cable company van because she does. Wildly embellish story of your aggressively mediocre Halloween the night before. Watch her smile. Feel like you took a risk and fucking won. Experience dopamine and endorphin levels the heights of which you won't again reach in your life until you fall in love, nearly die in a spectacular freeway accident, find professional success.

5. Ruthlessly negotiate a minor allowance raise with two thoughtful, striving caucasian human animals who were then just 20 years older than you are now and upon which you once projected all the faith and love your immaculate little heart could beat out.

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