Monday, March 29, 2010
Bitter, Misogynistic Mouse Has Antipathy For Costco
Mouse: Costco is an incredibly aggravating experience for me. I wanted to get my girlfriend like a $5,000 kirkland signature tennis bracelet the other day. Tacky as fuck, I know. But there's something delicious about spending some real fuckin dough on a girl -- proving you have the financial juice to own / take care of her -- while simultaneously shitting all over her face by getting her something you know she doesn't want. Fuck her. Problem with Costco is, as a mouse, I'm very short. I'm completely incapable of manipulating any of the objects most people in Costco use to procure items. You think I can wheel around one of those big masculine orange cart things? Of course not. It's torture. All I want to do is flex a little and emotionally annihilate my girlfriend, and Costco rapes me on both fronts.