Saturday, March 27, 2010

How Music, Laziness, and Technology Can Result in a Pathological Sex Life

En route to wine bar, your slightly thick, fertile-looking, hyper-insecure slutty passenger notices Reality Bites soundtrack in center console.

You're honest with her. Explain it's your mom's CD. After all, your mom used to drive your car. When you were in college. Five years ago.

Manage to get the girl back to your place.

Open bottle of wine.

Turn on Pioneer 7.1. Channel iPhone-Enabled Audio Receiver.

Select Shuffle.

Receive oral.

Minutes into bj, audiobook of Noam Chomsky's Hegemony or Survival begins playing.

The girl's enthusiasm wanes. The mood is dying. You're not particularly enjoying yourself. But you're far too comfortable to get up and hit Next.

So you just lie there. Knowing it's probably not going to happen. Finally giving her the tap at the thirty minute mark.

She leaves.

You watch internet porn.

And sleep.