Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Doug Vista: Gay or a Misogynist?

Doug Vista on laughter: "Making women laugh is my oxygen. I'm non-existent without it. Without the power that comes with using one's wit to make a woman fucking convulse. The only thing better, or at least more invigorating, is making men laugh. Men with their more robust, yet harder-to-tickle senses of humor."

Doug Vista on writing: "There is nothing more erotic, more fucking boner-inducing if you don't mind my horribly crude phrasing, than reading the perfectly chosen words of a brilliant female scribe. Nothing except for reading the words of a truly talented man. For there is a universality, a completeness, an adamantine strength (cut with inexorable vulnerability) to the written male perspective that simply transcends everything else in my heart and in this life."

Doug Vista on cock: "Love it!!!"

Monday, July 19, 2010

Love Me. Don't Judge Me.

Keep on getting calls from BofA Fraud Protection whenever I add credits to my LiveJasmin account. Feel so fucking judged each time I have to verify that yes, I indeed paid $15 at 3:31AM and $12 at 3:43AM to watch two different teen-something Eastern European couples fuck while I direct their positions and patronizingly barrage them with questions about Iraqi Parliamentary procedure.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Why I'm an Asshole

I've been using my roommate's Kiehl's Facial Fuel moisturizer without his permission for the last several days. Last night, drunk after attending a wrap party, I grabbed the blue bottle said fuck it and parked it in MY medicine cabinet. This morning, when I didn't see the bottle by the sink, I felt a pang of rage bubble up against my roommate for having the audacity to take back his Kiehl's. And then I remembered I stored it in the cabinet.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Unhelpful 2010 NBA Free Agency Predictions

Lebron James -- Chicago Bulls

The Bulls can give him the max. They offer a big city where the King could thrive yet still stay close to his midwest roots. Miami also a possibility. Speaking of Miami, I watched Scarface the other day with a nice azn girl who'd never seen it before. Shitty, overrated mess. I've had persistent headaches for the last few days. Been eating too many hamburgers. And steaks. I'm rapidly aging. People are going bald all around us every day. We'll never have more hair on our heads than we do right now.

Chris Bosh - Untitled Alex Lehman Pilot

Maybe Bosh will become a TV writer. I haven't legitimately enjoyed sports in over a decade. I file sports under that category of things in life which don't entirely revolve around me. I tend to get bored by such things.

Danny Manning - Me

My BMI is in the healthy range. I am content with my net worth. I like fish tacos and control.