Tuesday, August 24, 2010

So I just heard a few anekdotes about this guy Rob Lopatrielle

which lead me to conclude that the guy seriously overestimates the social value of sperm motility.

Anekdote #1: Rob has been living at his parents house right up to age 29. Doing nothing. Getting fat. Playing online poker gainst other fat fatties. Being totely financially and emotionally cannibalistic. Women can smell his fear and fungus-riddled scalp. Kay, so the guy buys this (dave) letterman's jacket with the word "motile" on the back and the number infinity, and when he doesn't get laid off of that like by all the mad hot 14 year oldz he used to stalk outside his old high school, he str8 up used a creme blu-ray flame thrower thingy to torture a neighbor's beloved parrot "Maggy" to death.

Anekdote #2: Rob's at BestBuy, picking up the latest bullshit Xbox 360 250gb eat a dick iteration. AmEx Card gets declined. So natch he whips out his dicky. Cummmms onto the lil credit card swipe screen. And exclaims, "But them shits is mo-TILE, what's your name, Brandi. Look at that momomotility." Poor black Brandi flipped out, ran away, and Rob ended up just walking threw (misspelled on purpose, bitches!) the parking lot, snapping antennas off the jankiest Hondas he could find cuz he figured he could more acutely hurt poor working class folks who are already sadder & more terrestrial radio-reliant ta begin with.

Anekdote #3: And this one's super sad. So Rob apparently committed suicide a few weeks ago by doing a combo thingy where he ated like 20 vicodins and coke and even meth and shit. Left some email draft on his Samsung Galaxy where he was all "Gone 4eva. Sperm no longer motile in the least. cosmic joke? i like to think so. Also, I hope all homeless people are carted off to death camps. DEXTER 4eva. Love that show. All haterz are herbs. And I love bangin out russian birds. Chicken chicken goose monkey beard tendon piss."

SO what's weirds to me is that like a mad normal reggin (ni**** backwards) like Rob who's all happy and balling and like branded chill by his boys and reverse cowgirlable by bitches from that coast to these coasts and always did the right thing by God and his moms again and again until the very end just chooses to early check out like that and all because he somehow got brain-twisted bout how much sperm motility mattered in startin' to decay but the pussy's still poppin even though the stocks be droppin twenty-ten America.

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