Thursday, September 2, 2010

guy has issues getting culturally-distended grad student from his kitchen into the bedroom

Guy: Oh God, you're fucking beautiful. Your freckles are like an adorable little constellation.

Grad Student: Umm, I also read "Super Sad True Love Story."

Guy: I'm sorry?

Grad Student: You know exactly what I'm talking about. There's a line suspiciously similar to that in the first chapter from Eunice's perspective.

Guy: What? No, I'm just saying what came to my mind. Jesus. Relax. I haven't even read that book. Never fully got into Absurdistan. He's too broad for me.

Grad Student: Ha! Your feeble defense fucking reeks of a line from one of my least favorite unpublished Martin Amis stories. Just replace "Absurdistan" with Updike's "The Coup." Do you have an original thought in your head?

Guy: You're fucking killing the mood, you know. Do you get how excited I was to see you? Do you know how fucking demonically perfect you look right now in the Sub-Zero light? Grab me a Red Stripe.

Grad Student: Nice. Dig your reference without any hat-tip to Philip-Lorca diCorcia's famous refrigerator-lit portrait of his despondent-looking brother.

Guy: What?! Are you insane?! You're a weird chick, you know that?

Grad Student: Improvised Jeff Daniels on the closing night of "God of Carnage."

Guy: I don't know what to do with you.

Grad Student: Shove me into the fridge like you don't care if my face gets all lacerated and fuck me hard from behind.

Guy: That I can do.

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