Sunday, September 12, 2010

Who am I?

I was married to a woman in the 1980s. We frequently kayaked together. My favorite part of marriage was that Kitty's nurturing -- she supported me in every way emotionally while also cheerfully driving me to various hiking locales throughout Northern California -- put me in such a calm place that I was able to more fully appreciate my many wonderful male friends... architects, gurus, attorneys, you name it.

I have a zen meditation sanctuary in my backyard.

I have pesky neck fat despite being in really good shape for my age.

I have a borderline eating disorder. Also known as VEGANISM.

I spent 10 years as a criminal defense attorney. You'd be surprised at what wonderful people most criminals are.

I deem Jane Austen a groundbreaking artist whose only shortcoming was her inability to fully write about extremely graphic non-homosexual male on male sex.

I'm Todd Sheketnberg.

Kidding!

I'm Doug VISTAAAAAAA!

Friday, September 3, 2010

So Here's A Little Update on Where I'm at in Life

I'm in the process of putting together a comprehensive documentary film on Elmore Duke, one of the preeminent glory hole carpenters in the game. Because of the myopic sex-obsessed culture we live in, we're trained to process glory holes as being inherently pornographic, homosexual, or nymphomaniacal. When, in fact, a good glory hole is, at heart, an object of genuine craftsmanship, and when drilled, sanded, and padded with the vanguard vision of an Elmore Duke, a work of -- yes, I will say it -- art.

I'm encouraging friends of the blog as well as my cohorts in the Yahoo! Answers community to pitch in on this project if they're so inclined. And in whatever way most suits them. A donation here, a plug there -- these are the kinds of actions that can help "Glory Days: The Elmore Duke Story" take flight.

Much thanks. And much love,

Doug V.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

guy has issues getting culturally-distended grad student from his kitchen into the bedroom

Guy: Oh God, you're fucking beautiful. Your freckles are like an adorable little constellation.

Grad Student: Umm, I also read "Super Sad True Love Story."

Guy: I'm sorry?

Grad Student: You know exactly what I'm talking about. There's a line suspiciously similar to that in the first chapter from Eunice's perspective.

Guy: What? No, I'm just saying what came to my mind. Jesus. Relax. I haven't even read that book. Never fully got into Absurdistan. He's too broad for me.

Grad Student: Ha! Your feeble defense fucking reeks of a line from one of my least favorite unpublished Martin Amis stories. Just replace "Absurdistan" with Updike's "The Coup." Do you have an original thought in your head?

Guy: You're fucking killing the mood, you know. Do you get how excited I was to see you? Do you know how fucking demonically perfect you look right now in the Sub-Zero light? Grab me a Red Stripe.

Grad Student: Nice. Dig your reference without any hat-tip to Philip-Lorca diCorcia's famous refrigerator-lit portrait of his despondent-looking brother.

Guy: What?! Are you insane?! You're a weird chick, you know that?

Grad Student: Improvised Jeff Daniels on the closing night of "God of Carnage."

Guy: I don't know what to do with you.

Grad Student: Shove me into the fridge like you don't care if my face gets all lacerated and fuck me hard from behind.

Guy: That I can do.